|
Zeubenelginubi
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Zeuben
Gender: Male
Interests: Psychology, Linguistics, Foreign Language, PsychoLinguistics, Sociology, Genetics, Physics, Bio-Engineering, playing with little kids. What? It's the truth.
Expertise: I don't have one yet. It's what I hope to find soon.
Occupation: Maybe a Medical Records Clerk,
Industry: Education/Research
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
7/16/2004
|
|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| I didn't think that on the night that precedes one of the most momentous and exciting occasions in my life thus far, I'd feel lonely, sad and disappointed. I'm here, in California, in the same places as thousands that know my name, recognize me on sight and are all clambering to find out the details of and attend my wedding and yet the fact that none of them desired to take the time to search me out tonight, wanting to do something, anything with me...
I don't think that I ask much of people in friendships on a general level. There's not really anything that I want from you other than to show, in some way or another, that you care as much as I do. And there's different levels and all that jazz that you can go into but in the end, it really comes down to the fact that for this, of all nights, I wanted to be sought after and found. That they'd desire to do something with me in some place that'd be a place that was just for that group of friends, just that relational dynamic.
There are a lot of people that know who I am here. There are even people that I'd trust with sensitive information about myself. And yet, here it is, me complaining like a child about the fact that no one seemed to care enough to even try to throw anything resembling a bachelor party for me. I can't tell if I'm being overly emotional or validly lamenting something that's a fact.
Either way, the point is that I'm sad. And I wish someone had done something for me. | | |
| I need prayer.
I need discipline. I'm terrible at getting things done that need to get done and will end up sacrificing my responsibilities for the sake of people around me, whether they have a need or not. That is not good and I need to stop.
So pray for me. That I learn to buckle down.
Thank you.
And to all of you that can look at me, straight in the eyes and say, "I love you."... Thank you. It means more to me than you realize.
| | |
| I've been thinking about this a lot recently. There are a thousand things going on in my life and I can look at most of them at once and see the places where my loyalties lie and where they need to go. I can usually see the why, too, but I don't particularly enjoy looking at the why. It's usually a smiling face that I don't like to see because it's the smile I have when I know I'm breaking the heart of something. I need to get rid of that smile.
I hate applying the concept of loyalty to certain things. I hate being loyal to things. Being diligent is fine because that allows room for maneuvering, right? You can slide around the edges of diligence because as long as it gets done, it's finished and you've finished.
Loyalty doesn't have edges. Loyalty isn't a circle or a square that you can bounce around in as long as the edges stay in tact and it isn't a marble maze with holes in the bottom that you can drop through when you're done for right now. Loyalty is a well that you jump in that has no ladder and no exit. Which sucks, really. Same thing with fidelity. You find whatever it is, you dig the well and you jump in, head first, knowing that there's no way back from where you just went. You've committed. And you fall. And you keep falling. And the windows in the walls that your mind creates show you all the things that are outside the edges, thousands of possibilities in an endless landscape of beauty and wonder. You don't like the well anymore and you stop yourself and try to climb out.
Those people succeed. Those people find that the walls of the well have big gaps that are more than able to accommodate your foot and hands. They make it up and walk away and find a new well somewhere and do the same thing.
Those people never fall far enough. At the bottom of the well is water. And when you hit the water, the windows disappear and you sink. And you realize, after sitting in the water and drinking a bit of it, that it's not that deep and that, really, it's pretty much the best thing that you've ever had. It restores you. It heals you. And after a while the walls disappear and you walk around.
The water travels with you, though. It keeps you alive.
| | |
| - All Around Me (Acoustic),Dear God,
There are times when I feel like everything that I
need is right next to me and that the things that I want may be far
away but, perhaps, I can live without them.
Not today. Today I
know that I need you more desperately than I need anything on the face
of this earth. More than friends, language, games, money or, really,
even life. More than Bekah, more than marriage, more than a future or
a self or a being.
There are days when I ignore the fact that
you're there and do my own thing, forging my way through the paths that
are before me with a blind stumbling walk that gets me into trouble.
Not
today. Today I can hardly move without knowing that I can't do it
without you lifting me from my seat and pushing me forwards, lighting
the way in front of me and directing my eyes towards the people and
places I should encounter.
There are days when I feel like I have it together, am confident in my decisions and
myself, trying anything and everything I can believing that I can handle it.
Not
today. Today I feel broken, empty and without purpose. Today I feel
alone and scared and small and frightened. Today I don't want to go on
because I'm scared to leave a place that I can control.
Most days I can hold myself together and something allows me to ignore all of these things and still keep walking. Without you.
Not
today. Today I'm weeping at the desk in my small room without anyone
but myself in it. Today I can't breathe right, can't say anything
correctly and feel like my life is a lie or wrong or broken. Today.
More than any other day. I need you.
I'm still alive.
Please come and hold me. | | |
| This comes as a result of late night TV watching. This was an actual add. I haven't added anything to the general content other than my own opinion. The add itself will be paraphrased to fit anything that must be fit.
As everyone knows, as you grow older you gain excess body fat. This body fat hangs around your belly, waist and butt, making you ugly, fat looking and unattractive. This body fat comes from a number of sources, which are:
- Having Children
- Stress
- Lack of Exercise
- Poor Diet
Well, lucky for all of us, there's finally a solution!: Lipozene! Yes, finally you can get rid of that unwanted fat and get back to looking like you were before. (Which would be...?) All you've got to do is... (Disgression into perscribed methods of consumption which always include more dosages than the free trial gives you.) You'll see results in no time, because 78% of every pound you lose is that body fat. (And the other 22% is...?)
All you have to do is call this number and we'll send you a free (read "inadequate") trial of Lipozene. If you're satisfied, you can start ordering for the price of (outrageous price)! Why is this product worth it, you ask? Because it's clinically proven! (I kid you not. Actual, complete reason.) So order today!
...
I think, if it were just a bit more ridiculous, I would have thought it was a joke from MADtv or something similar but this was immediately followed by a commercial for what I can only assume was some type of magical male enhancement pill. I say magical because a doctor studied it and said that it worked and others said that it was clinically proven but they never explained how ingesting a pill actually makes my manhood bigger, so it's got to be magic. All the best things in life are, right? That said, this was an actual add found.
The part that really makes me laugh is how the solution to a lack of exercise, eating poorly, stressful jobs and, wonder of wonders, children, is taking this pill. Personally, I thought the solution to the latter was called birth control, or at least that's what the "Yaz" commercial told me. Plus also, I won't get moody while I'm not having children, so that's a bonus, too. Also, you can take a pill that makes you focus better, so you can work harder and longer in your stressful job, although you're concentrating better. There's at least three pills you can take that are healthy for you that you can take twice a day with any heavily sugar, carbonated beverage that's chasing down whatever chunk of fat you happened to hunt down and slaughter in the woods of the strip mall that afternoon.
Personally, I'm glad that the pharmecutical industry has my best interests at heart. I asked for a life that allows me to do nothing but sit on my ass and put things in my mouth all day and they have not only listened to my cries but delivered. Thank you, people in white lab coats, for putting your time, effort and imagination into helping us be more American than ever before. | | |
|
